We all have characters we’d love to meet, and usually we discuss this with the “Who would you invite to a dinner party?” routine. But the thing is, it’s August. It’s hot. And I don’t want to be stuck inside all day struggling to prepare perfect Chicken Kiev when I could be at the beach, so would you please stop asking me to throw a dinner party and just accept that the most you’ll get out of me is a few hamburgers on a slightly suspicious bar-b-que that we find near the sand?

K thanks.

I’m off to the beach until Friday now (for real!), so here are the people I’d take with me to chat with on that two hour bus ride and then dance around on the beach:

1. Takumi from Looking for Alaska.

Yes, he’s a secondary character, but guys, he can rap. On the fly. He can just…rap whenever he wants. And intelligently. He rhymes words like “malaria” and “hysteria.” Who wouldn’t want him on a two hour bus ride?

2. Frankie Landau-Banks from The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks

She’s a surefire way to make the beach more fun. She would probably lead a whole operation to prank the guys hogging the sand with their football game/toss/whatever it is, and get a killer tan to boot.

3. Dill from To Kill a Mockingbird

Yes, he would complain for the entire bus ride, asking every five seconds how long it will be until the beach, but he would totally hunt for crabs with the eight-year-old I babysit so I can read for a little bit without feeling guilty. Plus, Dill+Frankie Landau-Banks would equal some hilarity for sure.

4. Ruby from Imaginary Girls

Listen, I know she’s not perfect, but she’d be great for a day at the beach. She would be able to convince that group over there to share their watermelon, and she’d be able to convince the bus drive to get there faster and just, you know, skip all those other peoples’ stops (what? I want to be at the beach!).

5. Len Levy from Second Helpings

With this crowd, we’ll need a paramedic around for sure. Maybe he’ll also play us some background music on his guitar!